Pellau Magazine

Ladies please pay attention to this article especially! Single ladies who just can't find the right guy, or even those of you in a relationship.. Read on to explore the do's and don'ts of dating - +Dexter Tittil

DON’T look for perfection.

Dating can lead to all kinds of tricky situations. To help you navigate even the most awkward moments, we’ve compiled our 50 best dating tips—some new, some old—given to us by experts, moms, women like you, and even Justin Timberlake.
Encouraging you to settle isn't our style, but separating your desires from your deal-breakers can give your love life a major upgrade. "There are some qualities that your mate must have -- being honest, for example -- and others, such as movie-star looks, that should be thrown in the would-be-nice category," says Elizabeth R. Lombardo, Ph.D., author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness. "Sit down and realistically figure out what characteristics are nonnegotiable and then be open-minded about the rest."

DO expect to meet men in unexpected places.

"Keep your eyes open at all times for opportunities to meet quality men, not just when you are all dressed up to go out," says dateologist Tracey Steinberg.

DON’T assume that somebody’s not interested in you.

Don't conclude that if you don't think you look cute, you don't look cute to someone else, says Paula Bloom, author of Why Does He Do That? Why Does She Do That?.

"So if you're running to the grocery store after the gym, and some guy starts talking to you and trying to make conversation with you, you may be thinking he just wants to talk to you when he's actually really trying to make a connection with you. If you don't think you look attractive, you might miss it."

DO be confident and make the first move.

The jury is in: Men really do prefer women who make the first move. "It's not because it takes the pressure off of them," said Christopher Brya, coauthor of WTF Are Men Thinking. "Instead, it shows that you're confident, which is really the biggest turn-on." Many guys sense that the frequency of men making the first move (asking for phone numbers or dates, etc.) is actually diminishing. As one guy put it, "Waiting for a man to make the first move is real old-school and outdated." Plus, if you're a take-charge woman in every other facet of your life, why be a wallflower when it comes to men?

DO make it easy for men to date you.

True story: Guys have a fear of rejection. If you make it easy for them to ask you out, the more apt they'll be to do it. "Making it easy means telling a man in the clearest terms that you are interested and wouldn't say no to a date," says Harlan Cohen, author of Getting Naked: Five Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life (While Fully Clothed and Totally Sober).

DON’T go out in one huge group.

"The best size group to go out with is three," says Shannon Fox, the author of Last One Down the Aisle Wins. Going out alone might invite men to talk to you but only because you seem vulnerable and desperate. Two is too easily unbalanced. (What nice guy wants to ask a girl to dance if it means leaving her friend all alone?) And four is too intimidating -- no guy wants to risk putting himself out there in front of a gang of potentially critical women."

DON’T worry about his age—or yours.

The times have changed, and age just isn't as relevant anymore when it comes to dating. Miguel Almaraz, coauthor of WTF Are Men Thinking, said, "Younger men -- 20 to 30 -- really do like dating older women. In fact, 66 percent of the men we polled [for the book] said they would date older women." The main reason given? Experience.

DO put a friend in charge of finding you a date.

Not great at seeing who's good for you? Then stop trying and let a friend do it for you. Whitney Casey, author of The Man Plan, says to pick a (preferably coupled-up) close friend and put her in charge of finding guys -- any other guy you meet automatically goes in the friend zone. "You'll only go on dates with someone she sets you up with," Casey says. Not only does this help you date better men, you'll also end up acting more genuinely around other guys you meet when the should-I-date-him pressure's off.

DON’T limit your online dating searches.

Doing the online dating thing? Make sure you cast a wide net. "Extend your search two inches in height below what you want and two years older and younger than what you think you are looking for," says Brenda Della Casa, author of Cinderella Was a Liar.

DON’T pretend to be someone you’re not, even online.

Online dating is competitive, but being yourself is essential. "If you're pretending to be someone you're not, you're going to end up on a date with a person who is compatible with the person you're pretending to be, not the person you actually are," says Lisa Daily, author of How to Date Like a Grown-Up.

DO tell a friend when you want to be more than friends.

"Unless you have only one friend and telling this friend means losing your only friend, it's not friendly to keep a friend from dating the best possible single person on the market -- you," says Cohen.

DO go on a date with someone you feel so-so about.

If you haven't been on a date in a while, this could be the ideal opportunity to get back out there and practice. "I recommend meeting up with the guy for only an hour over coffee or one drink," says Smitten blogger Ariane Marder. "Because you're not invested, you really have nothing to lose -- besides a precious hour of your time that could be spent trying to figure out why no one is asking you out. (Sigh.)"

DO allow yourself to be wooed.

"It feels good to be treated like a lady. If a guy really likes you, he'll pick you up and take you out, not ask you to drive across town for cocktails and a sleepover." -- Alison Brie, star of Mad Men and Community.

DO flirt.

"Make eye contact and smile at anyone who catches your eye for three seconds," says DeAlto. "If he is interested, he will approach. In a relationship? Keep flirting! Continue to make him feel like the center of the universe. It will do wonders for your connection."

DO order what you really want.

"Don't be afraid to eat like a man. A guy would love to see a woman with a healthy appetite." -- Michael Urie, star of Partners

DON’T ask the “five-year plan” question too soon.

"Talking about at what age you'd like to get married and have kids too early in the conversation changes the whole tone of trying to get to know someone," says Jessi Bockting from Louisville, Kentucky. "It suddenly feels like a job interview."

DO casually touch him.

"The way to a man's (or a woman's, for that matter) heart isn't through his stomach, but his eyes," says Alexander. "Humans have evolved to read the emotions of others, and one way we do it is by looking into the eyes. When we touch each other, even with a casual arm stroke or a friendly hug, and look into each other's eyes, we can trigger a series of chemical events in the brain that lead us to open ourselves up to another person. A hormone called oxytocin is released, driving this response. That's followed by dopamine, a chemical that motivates us to seek out rewarding experiences, like being with you."

DON’T talk about your ex.

No good can come of this! You'll seem either bitter, heartless, or still hung-up -- and any one of these is a huge turnoff. -- Em and Lo, Daily Bedpost

DO read into the first kiss.

It may seem like dating 101, but a kiss at the end of the evening really does shed light on how he feels. "This may sound hard to believe, but a whopping 74 percent of guys polled in WTF Are Men Thinking would not kiss their date at the end if they were not attracted to her," says Almaraz. "If you're on the date and you like the guy, lean in for that kiss. If he's into you, you'll know quickly."

DON’T expect anything if you sleep with him.

"If you want to sleep with him, go ahead -- just be safe! -- but understand that most men have a remarkable ability to separate sex and emotion," says Della Casa. "If he's not calling you his girlfriend, taking you to dinner, or otherwise courting you beforehand, don't expect a roll in the sack to change that."

DON’T overanalyze or investigate if the guy doesn't call you again.

"You two didn't click. So what? Move on and don't take it personally. Don't cloud yourself up with negative thoughts -- it'll just drive you nuts, and you know it."
-- Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal, authors of Dumped.

DO your best to listen to your friends when they tell you your new boyfriend is a douchebag.

"When the people who love you the most have a problem with someone who knows you the least, listen up," says Cohen. "These people probably see something you are too afraid to see or want to avoid acknowledging."

DO stay positive.

"Even if you have had a few frustrating experiences, a great attitude will make all the difference," says DeAlto.

DO have a life outside your relationship.

"You never know, one day your boyfriend or girlfriend might say goodbye," says Cohen, "and if you always have a life, you always have somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to go with."



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