Pellau Magazine

So, your relationship came to an end; we’ve all been there. It’s safe to say that the “dumpee” and the “dumper” have radically different roles in a breakup, and oftentimes, it’s tough to deal when you’re the dumpee.



While you oscillate between wallowing in self-pity and random fits of anger, at least take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your plight.

I’ve heard that it takes half the time you dated someone to truly get over the person. In this time, your emotional range will be erratic and unpredictable. Much like the stages of grief, there are stages that every person must take while navigating a breakup.

Sexual Healing
Depending on the severity of the breakup, chances are, you will hook up with your ex again. You’re already comfortable with each other, the sex was probably satisfying and, more often than not, on a night when prospects are slim, an ex is your easiest option (no pun intended). A common slip up with this, however, is that people often allow themselves to believe that maintaining a purely sexual relationship with an ex is possible.

Unfortunately, these sexual adventures often come with a messy little thing called baggage. Eventually, regardless of how good the sex is, one of you will remember why things ended in the first place and it will feel like you’ve broken up all over again.

Crazy Train
It’s 3:30 am and you finally thought of the perfect comeback for that snarky comment your ex made a few days ago, so naturally, you text him or her. It is absolutely normal to want to cling to familiarity, but unfortunately, it makes you look somewhat crazy when you decided to rapid-fire text or call an ex. Whatever motivation you have for acting this way, when the dust settles, you’ll likely feel embarrassed and full of regret.

Open for Business
Maybe it seems clichéd, but the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. A little promiscuity never hurt anyone, and this stage is all about using copious amounts of casual sex to mask the hurt and anger that you’re most likely feeling. When your hands are full with someone else, it may feel easier to forget about that bad situation — for at least a little while.

Pining for the Past
It seems that, as a society, we collectively romanticize certain aspects of our past. Even when we know that deep down, things weren’t all that great, we still give in to nostalgia.

At some point during the healing process, you’ll start to dwell on the good times. This is dangerous because, without proper strength and willpower, you may end up back on the crazy train. The best way to navigate this stage is to be realistic about why things ended. Your significant other probably wasn’t a monster, but there was likely a reason things didn’t work out. Dwell on that instead.

Amnesia
This final stage of relationship grief occurs simply when you become indifferent. His or her name is no longer a daily thought and your ex’s life will cease to concern you.

While breakups are tough, know that there’s a reason the people from your past don’t make it to your future.:
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