Pellau Magazine

Maybe it’s been awhile since you were last in a relationship. It could be years, in fact. Your divorced girlfriends who were your dinner and travel pals have all moved on. Invitations from your couple friends have dwindled considerably. Even your wonderful and funny gay friends have abandoned you for same-sex partners. The worst is your daughter is getting married -- and she’s demanding you bring a date. “When everyone’s dancing, I don’t want to see you alone, Mom,” is what she said.

While pressure from friends and family to find a boyfriend is irksome, you know you’re tired of being by yourself. It’s nice to have someone to share dinner with, go to the movies, a man not your relative walking along beside you, taking your arm. So you go on line and research dating sites. You find one that suits your age and interests and you create a profile page. The next thing is to post a picture of yourself. Then you get to the part where you tick off what you hope for in a partner. Should you describe your dream man – or just outline your basic requirements, i.e. he doesn’t smoke.

Experts at on-line dating suggest you strike for something in between. Many women fall into the trap of expecting to bag big game, a flat-abbed, rich, retired bachelor or widower who still has all his hair. These men exist, but you probably won’t find them on line. Other women go in the opposite direction, setting their standards and sights so low that almost any male will do. Describing on your profile page a realistic wish list can be challenging, but it’s worth the effort. Tick off your general height, weight, religious preferences. State whether or not he must love pets. Include hobbies; does he like to travel, and to where? Your imagined mate doesn’t have to have all his interests coincide with yours. View a new relationship as a chance to change your life up, move out of your (now boring) comfort zone.

So what if you’ve been comfortably dating a not-quite-perfect fit? Someone you met on line rather quickly and clicked with. Should you settle for him and not consider finding a better match? It’s hard to consider going back on line. Depending on your point of view, reviewing possible partners is either exhilarating or discouraging.

Or consider this. Nice guys who are solvent and don’t smoke or overly drink or who get along with your friends and family and who love your old dog can be hard to break up with, even if you’re not in love with them.

If it’s been a few months, you may have already settled into  comfortable patterns, including your bemused tolerance for his always falling asleep. On the other hand, if it’s dazzle and true love you’re after, you have to break up and go for it. Life is short, and as far as anyone knows, we only go around once. Which is the reason why you owe it to yourself to keep on with the hunt.