Pellau Magazine

Lack of commitment

Divorce is supposed to be a last ditch decision for a troubled marriage, so it's interesting to know what it takes for couples to call it quits. Researchers from the National Fatherhood Initiative conducted a survey asking people why they decided to untie the knot. Based on their findings, here are the eight most common reasons for divorce

Seventy-three percent of couples said a lack of commitment was the main reason their marriage didn’t work. According to the survey, 62 percent of exes said they wished their spouses had worked harder to stay married. Thirty-five percent of men and 21 percent of women said they wished they, themselves, had worked harder in the marriage.

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Too much arguing

Fifty-six percent of exes surveyed said too much arguing was the reason for their split. "Incessant arguing that doesn't lead to any resolution is incredibly damaging for any relationship," says Clinton Power, relationship counselor and founder of Clinton Power & Associates.


"One of the primary reasons arguments perpetuate is because you're not understanding, appreciating or validating your partner's perspective. Once you can begin to appreciate a reality different from your own, you're on the way to de-escalating conflict and finding solutions."

Infidelity

It's no surprise that cheating plays a significant role in divorce. It was the third most common reason cited in the survey, with 55 percent of respondents saying infidelity caused their split.


Cheating expert Ruth Houston warns that infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship. "It starts as an emotional affair," Houston tells MSN. "It will become a physical affair."

Marrying too young

Forty-six percent of exes surveyed said that age was a factor in the dissolution of their marriage.


According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, nearly half of teenage marriages fail within the first fifteen years. That number drops to 35 percent for couples who marry in their mid-twenties.

Unrealistic expectations

Forty-five percent of respondents said unrealistic expectations eventually led to their divorce.

Power tells MSN that couples don't often foresee the amount of conflict that can come with marriage.  "An important developmental task for couples is to begin to allow and appreciate the differences that start to show up," he says. "Couples that can navigate this with flexibility will tend to do much better."

Lack of equality

A large percentage of those surveyed (44 percent) said they felt their marriage was unequal, and eventually, that inequality led to divorce. If one person feels an unfair amount of responsibility is placed on them in the marriage, the relationship could be in danger.

Lack of preparation

Forty-one percent of respondents said they weren't prepared for what they were getting into when they got married.  With a lack of martial preparation, couples can find themselves struggling in their union. Proper marital or pre-marital counseling can help couples ensure they're emotionally equipped to handle their union.

Abuse

Sadly, 29 percent of splits occurred because of domestic violence.
Divorce can be a much more complicated process for victims of abuse. "The most important thing is to make sure that you're safe before instigating any separation or divorce," Power tells MSN.  "Secondly, let people close to you in your life know of any possible dangers that may come from preparing or announcing a divorce. Have a back up plan that involves these people looking out for your safety." Power also advises victims to seek legal advice




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