Pellau Magazine

The 86-year-old Playboy founder told Esquire magazine that he has bedded at least a thousand women, proving that the creepy smoking jacket he wears must come with some sort of built-in aphrodisiac which lures women in like a bad Lifetime movie.

If Hefner was the type to put notches in his bedpost, he probably would have cut his mattress down to the floor by now, because with numbers like that, there’s no amount of math that could train a man to count that high:

How could I possibly know? Over a thousand, I’m sure. There were chunks of my life when I was married, and when I was married I never cheated. But I made up for it when I wasn’t married. You have to keep your hand in.”

Hand? Look, if you’ve slept with enough women to fill a ’50 Shades of Grey’ reading by Ryan Gosling, you should know hands don’t count, where numbers are concerned.

Hefner is now on his third marriage, to Crystal Harris — which means men the world over have one less dude to worry about competing with when it comes to scoring.