Pellau Magazine

I've been dating a girl that I really like and we just recently started having sex. I feel like the sex is great—until she starts sobbing afterward. When I ask her why she cries, she gets embarrassed and says, "I don't know. I just do." I try my hardest to make her feel great in bed, so it's really distressing to watch her burst into tears after orgasm. Is this normal?

—Tearmaker, Chicago, IL

Courtney Bee Takes It:

Dear Tearmaker,

A word about normal: Your "normal" might be someone else's " I'm pressing charges." Normal is highly subjective, but in this case you haven't exhibited any negative or unhealthy behaviour to spur your girlfriend's reaction. Unless your sex involved surprising your sweetie by re-enacting a choice scene from The Accused, there's no reason to feel bad. Hormones are potent chemicals, and when they rise or fall significantly, the results are emotional highs and lows after sex. And here's a little something your poker buddies probably aren't keen on sharing: Men have been known to cry after sex, too. The rush of hormones resulting from orgasm can have a profound impact on a man or woman's state of mind, sometimes leading to crying for no reason. This doesn't mean that the person is upset or hurt; they're simply riding a hormone rush. Sometimes people—both men and women—experience anxiety about sex that can stem from trauma or negative past experiences. Therapy may be necessary in this case, but your scenario simply sounds like a good old sobfest sponsored by chemicals. If she's severely bothered by her reaction, she can seek out resolution through a doctor, who might recommend hormonal or psychological treatment. But it's important that your partner understands there's nothing freakish or wrong with her behaviour  Continue to talk about it with her and make her comfortable during and after sex. A sense of humour goes a long way, too. "I'm sorry, honey. I know I'm huge—I'll be gentler next time."